it’s odd but when i tell people i am a dance choreographer/teacher there seems to be an awakening of excitement or interest from the other person. i’m usually met with a barrage of questions- how long have you been choreographing? what kind of dance? what’s your full-time job? what made you want to become a teacher? the tone is never judgement or negative or condescending- well, never is an exaggeration. but it is rare that i’m met with something that doesn’t feel positive, or at least genuine curiosity, when talking about my profession.
so of course i answer- i began choreographing when i was 14 years old (for plays/musicals/etc). i typically choreograph a lot of contemporary, jazz, lyrical, and the occasional musical theatre piece. being a dance educator is my full-time job. i occasionally contract in branding/social media/marketing development for small businesses. i don’t know that i really ever “wanted” to become a teacher. it was something i sorta stumbled into at a young age and it sorta just stuck. but now, i love my work. it just fits me.
so often the world sees me as a creative, an artist, someone living the unconventional, aka not 9-to-5, life. and yet through all of this, i don’t feel anything like an artist. i don’t see my dances as art or my work as a creative. in some ways, it is deep-rooted for me. younger me saw myself more as a book, education, science person. i imagined myself becoming a heart surgeon…or maybe president, lol. but never a dance choreographer. and even when i began teaching & creating it always felt so temporary. and somehow, over 20 years later, temporary has become decades of work. i look back and can see how my perspective on myself, and creating dances, is so clearly reflected in the pieces themselves. the war between who i always thought i would become and who I am never really made me peace- until recently.
now, I accept myself and my work as a more symbiotic relationship- something that just is. there’s a beauty in the reality that i get to create dance for a living and still feel like there’s an endless amount for me to still experience in this life. i’m finally coming to accept that I really do make a living by creating- my art, dances, lesson plans, marketing materials, safe spaces. it feels weird to say but even now, i don't really feel like an artist. but i’m loving getting to learn how to accept and enjoy that part of me.
xo, madison